Hi there,

For about two years prior to diagnosis, I was in and out of my doctor’s with relapsing infections, allergies, abdominal pain and irregular bowels as well as anaemia. I was told that I was “too young to have anything sinister” when I requested a coloscopy after my blood tests showed nothing untoward. I was thrilled to hear this and went on living my life. I took probiotics, gave up dairy which helped symptoms and so I was happy enough with my doctor’s diagnosis. If you asked me today, “do you have any regrets?” I would concede that I have one. That I did not persist for that colonoscopy or get a second opinion. It wouldn’t have prevented my cancer but an earlier detection would have given me a far better prognosis, maybe even saved my life.

On the August bank holiday 2021, I ended up in St James’s Emergency Department with a ruptured appendix and a massive infection. Once I was treated for this, I had a colonoscopy and was told I had cancer but that the tumour was tiny and that I would only need surgery. That same week Prof John Larkin and his team conducted a right-hand side hemicolectomy. The operation was a success, but they told me that the tumour was denser than they expected hence adjuvant chemotherapy was recommended. 

While I was healing from surgery, I contracted a chest infection and my chemo was delayed about two weeks but I was still within the safe timeframe for getting chemo. Despite this, my stomach expanded within days to the size of a 10-month pregnant woman. I was back in the Emergency Department as I could hardly breathe. They conducted scans and drained about 24 litres of fluid from my abdomen. To the surprise of my medical team, I had not only jumped to stage 4, but I had tumours on my liver, a cancerous cyst on my ovary and cancerous studs on my peritoneum. My oncologist, Prof David Gallagher told me that my prognosis was incurable and inoperable. We decided to go for intense chemotherapy. During the first 4 cycles of this “punishing chemo” I developed anorexia due to intense chronic vomiting. I spent all this time in hospital pretty much. I was moved to palliative care to try and control the vomiting. By the fourth cycle we conducted a scan and the treatment was successful but as I had lost 23% of my body weight, we had to change the treatment. So, I began a tablet form of treatment and started the rehabilitation of my weak body as the vomiting stopped. After about 8 weeks of wellness, my abdomen began to grow again. Another scan showed that the cyst in my ovary had grown to 19cms. 

I was admitted to hospital to undergo key-hole surgery to firstly see if the surgeons – Prof. Larkin and an obs and gynae surgeon, Prof. Paddy Maguire- could remove the cyst safely and secondly to actually remove the cyst during open surgery. About 3 days before my surgery, I noticed my abdomen growing and I recall saying to my surgeon that I believed it had got bigger. He advised me that I would most likely need a stoma as the size of the cyst in the scan was considerable and had probably fused to my bowel. I was prepared well for this and I didn’t care, I would have a better quality of life and better yet I would be alive.

By the morning of my surgery I had grown very ill, I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t stop vomiting and had very low blood pressure. They allowed my brother to accompany me to the pretheatre, this gave me so much comfort. However, I remember the other patients awaiting surgery glaring at me as they probably felt I was getting special treatment with my brother there. I chuckled to myself thinking, the last thing they’d ever want is to be given special treatment in this scenario as it could only mean one thing- things were bad.

I remember being in the room with the anesthetists and thinking that I was either going to live or die depending on the outcome of the operation. Next thing, I woke up in post-op, and I felt a million dollars. The surgeon came running over to me and said “Clodagh, No stoma,, we got 90% of your cancer out and all your stats returned to normal once we removed the cyst.” I found out later that the cyst had started bleeding that morning and my scheduled operation had turned into an emergency. It also turned out that I had been right, the cyst had grown to a whopping 29cms long and was equivalent to a newborn in size and weight. No wonder I was vomiting!

I returned to my tablet chemotherapy and Avastin and for about 9 months my scans were clear and the tumours in my liver turned into cysts which was brilliant news. Since then, I have had some progression in my peritoneum and so chemo has stopped and I am on a new tablet called Regorafenib which is a three-way growth inhibitor. I also developed a speech condition called acute dysphonia and generalized atrophy of the larynx which means I struggle to talk. This is due to losing so much weight so quickly all those months ago. As I was described by my oncologist as “ the worst case of vomiting he had ever seen”, we focused on the rehabilitation of my body but it never occurred to us that my larynx would atrophy too. I am now working with a Speech and Language therapist to build up my voice and it is improving with time. Patience is key though both for my body, my voice and my mental well-being. I find such joy in exercise, yoga and meditation and acupuncture. I cannot thank Hot Yoga Dublin enough for their kindness towards me and starting my yoga regime was the beginning of me learning to live well again and not just survive. 

Today, it is two days before my 50^th birthday and I just popped my first dose of the new treatment. Fingers crossed. Carpe Diem.

Clodagh